Ghosts From The Past
by Wisdom lingers
Summary: When ghosts from the past haunt Spencer different people from her past and present will help her to grow into herself. A series of stories involving Spencer and many different characters. Not a One-shot anymore. Sparia friendship amongst others. Mentions of Spoby.
1. Baby blue eyes

**People like Spencer have a lot of baggage, she has lived throught some horrible experiences. She has to have some kind of trauma from that so I decided to write how her past affects the way she feels and behaves now that she's at college.**

* * *

I shake my head and pick up my as I start feel out of breath. It's been less than a mile and I was starting to feel tired and I used to run more than three barely sweating, the Hastings in me was refusing to go down without a fight but it was getting hard to control my breath. It's been a while since I went out jogging, the workload on Georgetown takes most of my time, and to be honest I've been too tired to force myself to exercise the way I used to in high school. This morning though, take a run on the streets of Rosewood seemed like the perfect excuse to get out of the house and get away from the drama for some time.

I arrived to my house for the holidays three days ago "your parents' house", a voice in my head corrected, and I was quite surprised to see my parents quite interested on myself and asking questions about school, they also seemed happy with my answers. Things were going great until yesterday, when Melissa arrived from London, the thing is that she wasn't alone.

 _As Melissa entered the house the three of us went to welcome her. Dad hugged her first, he seemed really happy to see her, I've always known that Melissa was his favorite daughter._ "You've got it better than Jason" _I thought to myself. Mom hugged her and kissed her after dad let go of her. And finally it was my turn. Our relationship has gotten better and better, we talk at least once a week and emailed constantly, the tension that was there before doesn't exist anymore and I'm really glad for having such a great sister, all of our fights and baggage were forgiven and forgotten. She was the one who helped me to get into Georgetown and defended my decision when we told our parents about it._

 _"I'm glad you decided to come" she said as we let go of each other. She seemed relieved to see me here and there was something else. She seemed nervous, like really nervous, Melissa nervous is not something you see every day._

 _"It's everything okay?", I asked trying not to let my concern show. She opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by dad._

 _"I'm gonna get your bags out of the cab"_

 _She looked like a deer caught on headlights. "That's okay dad, you don't have to..." But it was too late, he had opened the door and standing on the other side was Dr. Wren Kingston._

 _"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Hastings" he said respectfully to my parents and then caught my eye "Hi Spencer", he seemed nervous but then he looked at my sister and smiled a comforting smile. There was something in his eyes, something I've seen before but i couldn't remember where._

 _"What is this, Melissa?! What is he doing in my house?!" Dad looked like he was going to explode, mom kept her cool though and managed to calm him down._

Things were tense from that moment on. I was shocked to see Wren there, they had broken up while I was locked up on the dollhouse and Melissa never even mentioned him again. I tried to talk to her but she evaded me until dinner and then she and Wren directly to bed because they were tired from the trip. Now I know why Melissa had insisted so much for to come on the holidays.

I woke up from my daydream and realized that I had run more than two miles without noticing. I smiled proud of myself. The joy was replaced with tiredness and cold really fast though. I spotted a coffeehouse ahead and started to walk that way " _I_ _really need my caffeine fix"._ I went in and ordered my coffee, as I was waiting I heard someone calling my name so I turned around and found a pair of beautiful baby blue eyes looking straight into mine. He has a stubble now and looked tired but pretty much the same than before.

"Toby" he smiled

He smiled, "I haven't see you in a while, since we..." he let trailed off, he didn't need it to finish, I know he meant since we broke up.

"Yeah, well I've been in busy at school"

"I know. You are probably kicking ass, aren't you" he smiled proudly, he seemed sure of that statement. I'm sure he didn't expect anything less from me, he never has.

"I try", I answered shyly "how are you?", I asked trying to ignore the fast paced beating of my heart.

"Oh, I've been doing good. Still working at Rosewood P.D." Only then I realize he's wearing the uniform. I hear the barista calling my name to indicate my order was ready and immediately calling Toby's name for the same reason.

"A cop buying coffee and donuts, typical", he chuckled and I smiled.

"Sooo, here for the holidays?"

"Yeah" we both stand awkwardly staring at each other. He looked really tired. "So, are you working right now?"

"No. I jus got out of the night shift, actually" well, that explains it. I see him run his hand thru his face and hair "listen I'm about to pass out but I would like to talk to you again" he grabs a napkin and takes a pen out of his breast pocket and writes down a number. Then he gives it to me while saying that's his new number and to give him a call soon. After that, he steps back a little and looks at me up and down as he smiles before whispering a goodbye and walking out of the coffee shop.

I stood there for a few minutes staring at the napkin with his number. Finally, I walk out of the warm coffee shop and into the cold streets of Rosewood. Suddenly I remember where I've seen the look Wren was giving Melissa yesterday. It was on Toby's blue eyes.


	2. Closure and Hope

"Good morning." Melissa said entering the kitchen.

I was seating in the breakfast bar finishing my toast. A had been thinking about my encounter with Toby from a couple hours ago. "Morning." I said back to her. "Can we talk now?" I asked hoping to get some answers on the Wren situation.

She sighed as she grabbed a cup and then started to pour herself some coffee. "What would you like to know?" She asked calmly.

"Oh I don't know" I said sarcastically. "How about, when did you start to talking to him ago ain?!" I said raising my voice. I was actually pretty mad that she hadn't told me about him."We talk a lot and you never even mentioned him".

"I was nervous. It wasn't even serious until a couple weeks ago."

"You could have told me then" I whispered not looking at her. "What were you nervous about?" I asked after a beat.

"That it wouldn't work out. There was a really good part of me that though it wouldn't work out. Again." She was sitting next to me now. "But it's been going really well. And I want you to be on board on this. Because this... this is really important to me" she said honestly and looking into my eyes. She looked nervous and vulnerable. She usually didn't let anyone see that part of her.

"You know I got your back." I took her hand on mine trying to reassure her. "I just didn't like the fact that you lied to me."

"I know. I'm sorry. It won't happen again." She was truly sorry, I could tell.

"I just don't want us to go back to the secrets" my stomach turned to the thought of things going back to how they were before.

"We wont." She said softly. Then going back to her usual self she said. " if you excuse me now, I'm gonna tell Wren that the coast is clear. He's been hiding from dad in the room all day." We both laugh and roll our eyes.

As she walked out of the kitchen I took the napkin withe Toby's number out of my pocket. I sighed and then dialed the number. After four rings he picked up.

"Hello" I heard Toby's voice on the other line.

"Hey, it's Spencer..."

We had decided to meet up for lunch in this small restaurant he recommended. I got out of my car and started to make my way to the restaurant. I immediately saw him, he was sitting in one of the tables outside.

He lifted his eyes from the menu in his hands and saw me as I walked towards the table. He stood up as I got closer. "Hi." We stood there for a moment and then hugged awkwardly.

"I'm really glad you called. Take a seat." He waited for me to sit and the he did the same.

A waiter came and handed me a menu. For a moment we just stared at our menus. I realized it was the perfect opportunity to really look at him. I realized that I missed a few things at the coffee shop, he _had_ changed; he had a short beard, he wasn't as bulkier, his hair was shorter and combed to the side, the biggest changed though was the sense of maturity around him and his eyes weren't full of joy the way the used to. He slowly lifted his eyes so I lowered mine, after a few seconds I realized he was taking me in, the same way I've been doing before. "You haven't change much" he said after a couple minutes. It sounded I he was saying more to himself than to me.

"Yeah well, it's a miracle I haven't gain too much weight, too much junk food and little exercise" I said in a joking matter with a smile, he laughed a little. "You've change a little"

"More than meets the eye" he said in a somber way, suddenly his demeanor changed. There was something heavy on it and and his eyes showed pain. He sighed "Things... haven't been the same since you left. I... I've change. Not in a good way." I figured he was blaming myself and our break up. I felt guilty and slightly sick, it must had show because he widened his eyes and quickly added "it's not your fault. I... I'm not blaming you." I breathed out relieved that whatever happened wasn't my fault. But curiosity my started to grow.

"When you say things are different now...what do you mean?" I asked cautiously. He looked down and sighed heavily. "When we broke up, I took it pretty hard but, and don't take this the wrong way, after a few months I went back to normal, or to my new normal at least. Thins were going good. For the first time in for ever I was finally free, not the pain of my mother's illness taking a toll on me nor the pain of her suicide nor wondering if she had actually committed suicide, not Jenna, or Allison's blackmail, not A." He was slightly out of breath. Hi finally looked up "I've never been better or felt more relived or happier than at that moment. And then, about six months ago..." He stopped for a few seconds but it felt like several minutes. I was preparing myself for the worst. "I had an accident on the job"

My eyes widened. I scanned him up and down looking for signs of injury. "Are you okay?!"

"I am now. But I was in pretty bad shape then. They gave prescribed oxycodone" there were tears pooling in his eyes and his hands were slightly trembling over the table. I grabbed one of them and gave it a squeeze. "I got hooked on them, on the oxycodone" that was something i wasn't expecting, I felt like someone had punched me repeatedly, I felt sick. Addiction is something I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy, let alone on Toby, sweet, caring Toby.

"I'm really sorry" I whispered truthfully. He gave me tight-lipped smiled, I could see the pain in his eyes.

"I started using other drugs too. Coke and pot specially, they were the easiest to steal from evidence. Anyways, I feel better now. I got clean and I'm going to meetings"

"That's good" I said relieved.

"What I really wanted to tell you, is how sorry I am. For the way I handled the situation when you relapsed on pills and for the pot incident, and the way I handled our relationship in general. I didn't understand it then, but I do now and I feel horrible about it."

"It's alright" truth is that it did hurt as hell at the moment but I wasn't about to say that to the broken boy in front of me.

"It's not only that. I'm really sorry for lying to you and asking you to lie to your friends. And then asking you not to tell me everything and get mad when you didn't. I blamed our brake up on you for moving away but truth is I was the one who put the distance between us. I was a hypocrite and selfish. I was always asking you to put myself first. That wasn't fair. Especially on the circumstances. I'm the one who broke us up and blamed you for it"

I was speechless. The thing is that I always blamed myself for the way things ended between us. But on the back of my mind I've always felt that it was him who damaged our relationship. He was always adding more stress on my life, like I didn't had enough looking for A. He always pressured me to open up, to tell him the truth, especially after being kidnapped by Charles, but he never liked what I had to say. All that he was saying is truth. Not that I didn't have a part on how things turned out, but he played a part too.

I had a lump in my throat and tears were threatening to come out. "Thanks, for saying that. I really appreciate it. And I'm glad that you are better, addiction is as painful as it gets"

We spend the end of our lunch catching up on the small things on our lives. At the end we paid the bill and he insisted on walk me to my car. As we were getting closer he started talking.

"Thank you for doing this. I really need it to make amends with you" he had a grateful smile playing on his lips. I smiled back to him.

"No problem. Thank you for letting me have closure" he nodded. We reached the car and I unlocked it. We stared at each other for a moment, then he reached out to hug me, we hugged and we stood in each other arms for a while. "Stay strong, Toby. Every day is a battle, every day counts" I whispered in his ear.

"You too, Spencer. I hope you live a happy life" he whispered back. After a few seconds we let go of the other and he opened the door of my car for me, I got in and we said our goodbyes before he walked away. I closed the door and just sat there for a moment.

That was one of the most emotional moments on my life. I felt bad for his addiction, but he was strong, he always have been, _"he always had to"_ I thought sadly. But there was a much bigger part of me that felt relieved, like all the weigh I've been carrying for so long disappeared. I checked my phone, I had a text

 _"Holidays with the family can be tough. Stay strong and call me if you need anything"_

- _Christopher._

I smiled at the text. And for the firs time in a long time,I felt hopeful. Maybe this talk with Toby was all I needed to move on. _Maybe_.

As I drove away I realized Toby's eyes weren't the only place I've seen the look Wren was giving Melissa the other day. There was someone else that had looked at me with such adoration. The eyes of the boy that had texted me. Worried for my well being and offering his help, as he usually does. Perhaps, _maybe_ was all I need it right now.

 **Probably not what Spoby fans were hoping for but this is not the last time Toby affects Spencer. Review and tell me how you feel and any suggestions you have.**


	3. Rosewood Never Leaves You

I stopped as the light changed to red. I was starting to lose my nerve, Hanna was gonna give me an earful when I get to her house. "If I ever get to the freaking house". The light turned to green and I I could finally move again, as I was gaining some speed my cellphone started to ring, I looked quickly at the screen to see who was the caller, it was Hanna, again. I rolled my eyes and pressed ignore. This was the fifth call and I was not in the mood to deal with her at the moment, it's stressful enough trying to det to her house with this weather.

Finally Hanna's house was on sight. I sighed relived, it was pouring snow and as magical and beautiful it might seem, it freaked me out to drive under these conditions. I was walking towards the door when suddenly the door slammed open, next thing I know a Hanna's arms were around me, I hugged back hard.

"I'm delighted to see you, Spencer" she whispered in my ear. I frowned confused at her choice of words but smiled anyways. We let go of each other with smiles plastered in our faces.

"I'm delighted to see you too" I smirked back as I arched my eyebrow.

"Oh. A professor told us not to use the word very, but to use other words that match our level of emotions." She recited.

"Impressive. Glad to see you've been going to class." I said raising my eyebrows slightly. She rolled her eyes at me

"You are late by the way" she stated sharply. I followed her into the house and I right away I saw Emily and Aria walking towards me, I opened my arms and immediately felt Emily inside them, her arms around me hugging me hard. She stepped back after a moment, and I saw Aria smiling at me, we shared a look and then I open my arms one again, closing then around her tiny body as she steps between them.

"What took you so long, Spence?" Asked Emily as Aria and I let go of each other.

"My dad's office had holiday lunch and it ran late, and the weather didn't help much either"

"Thank god you are here at last" Aria spoke in a kind voice. And then jokingly added "Hanna looked like she was gonna kill someone if you didn't show up soon" if looks could kill Aria would be history because Hanna was sending daggers through her eyes, the rest were smiling though.

After catching up, a long gossip cession, take out dinner, a well amount of drinks and junk food, and two and half movies later we were sprawled on Hannah's living room watching the third movie of the day.

"I'm gonna get more popcorn" said Emily standing up from her spot before disappearing into the kitchen. In that moment two things hit me, the way we are so comfortable in each other houses, which is understandable considering the amount of time we spent in them trying to figure out who was our crazy stalker, and two, that it was an excellent moment to talk to Emily alone.

I stood up muttering an excuse to Aria and Hanna who didn't took their eyes away form the screen, too interested in a shirtless scene with a rather good looking actor. "No wonder why Emily took this opportunity to get more food"

I walked into the kitchen and started at her back for a few seconds, pondering what to say. "I talked to Toby two days ago" she turned around, startled with my sudden statement. "You guys still talk, right?" She nodded, her brows were slightly burrowed. She was trying to figure out what I was after. She started at me for a few more seconds and then shook her head regaining her composure.

"Yeah. How is he? I haven't seen him in a while."

"Oh, he's fantastic" I hissed sarcastically. "He's thinner than the last time a saw him, but you know, that's a normal side effect of addiction" her eyes popped up and her mouth fell slightly open.

"Spencer..."

"Why didn't you tell me?!" I cut her up fuming.

"He wanted to keep it quiet. Not many people know." She whispered apologetically.

"Well that's pretty stupid considering that I'm one of the few people he knows that has struggled with addiction." I was screaming now.

"We didn't want to hurt you" I started at Emily who was looking down, I realized that it was Hanna who had spoken. I turned to see her and Aria. Hanna was looking straight at me, fiercely, arms crossed and with her no bs mode on, Aria on the other side was trying to figure out how to carry the conversation, probably on on a calmer way than Hanna.

"He wanted to tell you" Hanna continued "we told him than in no way he was bringing you down and make you remember your darkest hours just to help him, specially after the way he treated you" she finished firmly.

"Spencer" Aria cautiously took a step forward. "You were finally happy, we didn't want to burst that bubble. We wanted you to enjoy college life like a normal person. After all that happened, you deserve it. We didn't know how you would take the news"

"I could have handled it" I stated feeling offended that they thought the opposite.

"We know" Emily added rapidly from the corner, "but you didn't have to" she took a few steps until she was in front of me with a safe distance between us. "As much as I love him, he did treated you really bad, Spence. You were finally free from Rosewood, we didn't want you to come back to it."

"You would have dropped everything to come back to help him. That's how amazing you are" Hanna added with a small smile playing on her lips.

She was right of course. They all were. But the thought of him, or anyone really fighting addiction alone was painful. I had my friends and I knew I had to get healthy to protect them from A. But I've seen people fight it alone, I've seen how hard it was. I didn't wish that upon anyone.

 _"This isn't just for Toby"_ I realized. That's just the tip of the iceberg, there were to many memories, too much pain, too many things I wish I could bury. After a couple of years of going constantly to meetings, to see people that just couldn't handle it and fell off the wagon, the way they ended up. The times I had to fight the urge of taking some pills to get through my schoolwork, or some pot to get through the night, the fear of not being able do it on my own, the fear of failing at school or failing at staying sober or failing at staying sane.

I left Rosewood but it never left me. The scars stayed with me. I will always have to fight addiction, and PTSD, and the pain.

Tears were running through my face and my breathing was abnormal "you are having a panic attack, idiot!" The realization made things worse. I started to have tunnel vision and to feel really weak.

I felt Aria's arms around me and her soothing voice in my ear whispering "everything is okay" and "we are here for you" over and over again.

My legs gave up, but Hanna and Emily grabbed each of my arms and lowered me slowly. Aria rocked me back and forth until my breathing got even again. I looked at the three of them with my eyes open, Emily got closer to me and snuggled on my side and whispered "it's okay, Spence. Let go, we got you" and I let out a sob, and another and another, and tears were blurring my eyes. But I felt three pairs of arms holding me tightly and I knew everything would be okay. Because I may never escape Rosewood, but there were somethings I would never want to escape. Three of them were right there with me. So I let myself cry my eyes out on Hannah's kitchen floor.


	4. Stop thinking so much

**I'm sorry for not publishing sooner. I accidentally deleted all the chapters I've been writing and it was hard to get inspiration after that. Please review. And again I'm so sorry.**

I make my way into the building and I feel relived as the warm hits me. I keep walking until I reach the room I've come to know so well. And then I stop at the doorway, taking the whole picture. Some people are chatting animatedly, some are busy on their phones or listening to music, others are quietly thinking what they are gonna say, a few are looking around the room looking nervous and like they don't know what to do with themselves, and then there are the ones that look like they are carrying a thousand pounds on their backs, looking at those always make me shiver. I take a deep breath and finally walk in.

"You know, you've been coming here for three years and you still stop for a minute before coming" said a tall, smiling figure on my left.

"I still feel like I have to take it all" I smile and ask. "How are you, Stef?"

"Oh, just great" she starts cheerfully "I get my six years chip in a few weeks" she looks proud, she should be, staying sober for six years is no small accomplishment.

"That's great. I'm happy for you." I reach for her hand and give it a squeeze. "Did you have a merry Christmas?"

"Yes, it was really good. Some find family meetings stressful but I actually like them a lot." She responds with a smile. Then she looks around the room before turning her attention back to me. "I have to get some things ready. I'll see you later, ok?"

I nod and she walks away. Stef and I met when I moved to DC. It was three months into the school year and the stress was starting to take a toll on me. I knew I had to go to a meeting soon, but the I was terrified. The idea of sharing my story and my problems with a room full of strangers wasn't exactly appealing. I sat on my car outside the church for 20 minutes trying to work the nerve. And then Stef came to me. She asked me if it was my first meeting, told me her story and told me that everything was gonna be okay. Then she walked in with me, holding my hand the whole way. She holds an special place on my heart, that's for sure.

I look around the room. And I find the person I was looking for. I make my way to the tall, brunette figure by the window and softly place my hand on his shoulder. He tenses at the unexpected touch and turns around. When he realizes it's me he smiles.

"Spencer" he says softly. "Hey. How where the holidays? Did you have fun?"

"Yeah. I actually enjoyed being with my parents. And my sister came which was great, with her living in England every time I get to see her is precious. How where yours?"

"Perfect. We spent New Year's Eve on my dad's yacht. We sailed to the perfect spot to see the fireworks" his eyes are shining bright and he's smiling a little wider than usual. I wish he was always that happy.

"The weather is probably better in Venezuela. Rosewood is always freezing in December"

"It is. Maybe you could spend a Christmas with me and my family. You'll see for yourself" we stare at each other's eyes for a while, until he realizes that the meeting is starting and we go to take our seats. We don't sit together. He says he finds it terribly uncomfortable. He doesn't share much though. Christopher speaks at maybe one out of five meetings. But he shows up every week.

Almost everyone talks about the holidays. Some people talk about how stressful they are, some that haven't been sober for very long say they found the holidays exhausting, others talk about how tempting it was to sneak a drink or go out to get high, there are a few that talk about how this one was their first meeting and what made them want to get sober, there were some heartbreaking of those who couldn't resist temptation and ended up spending some part of winter brake in a self induced haze, and others that share how shameful it was to go home and feel like a disappointment to their families. Those are the ones that always get me the most. Probably because it's something I've feared my whole life.

And then it was my turn.

"Going home was actually really therapeutical. I actually enjoyed being with my family, which was a bit surprising. I saw my friends which it's always amazing. But the most notable part of my trip was meeting with my ex boyfriend" I saw Christopher's eyes pop up from his spot across the room. I take a deep breath and continue. "Those of you that had been coming here for a while know about me and Toby. How he became a light in my life when I needed one the most, but then became a big cloud. How I felt guilty about how things ended. How by the end ours was a borderline abusive relationship. Anyways, he's also an addict now. He's getting help and recovering. He apologized to me and I feel like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders. And I also worked out some stuff from my past. And that... That feels great" I finish smiling. People are clapping as I take my seat again. I'm in a really good place right now, and my heart is beating of excitement about it. I see Christopher sitting at the edge of his seat, eyes fixed in the distance, probably pondering on the information I just shared.

The rest of the meeting goes by fast. I stay a while longer to help cleaning up. When we are done I say goodbye to Stef, who gives me a hug and few cookies she knows I love. I hear Christopher saying goodbye to her, too. And then he waits by the door as I finish gathering my stuff. We walk together towards my car and get in.

We go to the reflecting pool. Like we do every Thursday after the meetings. We walk along in silence for a while. "So what's gonna happen to us?" He says harshly out of the blue. "Now that Toby is back in the picture..."

"He's not back in the picture" I interrupt with a tone as harsh as he was using before. We both stop walking and stand in front of each other "We talked. And I finally feel like I got the closure I needed. And I'm sorry if I've been stringing you along while I was trying to make a decision, I was confused, i didn't feel ready, nor did I know what I wanted. But now I know what I want, and what I deserve." He looks cautious, his brown eyes don't leave my face. I know exactly what he's doing, he's trying to read me, trying to figure out what I was gonna say next. I could see the wheels turning in his head. "You think too much." And I smile, because so do I, and because he seems confused at my statement, and because I simply find the way he is fascinating. I've been working out what I was gonna say since I had lunch with Toby, I had my whole speech prepared. But his cologne and his eyes were intoxicating and I decide to stop thinking so much. And I kiss him. And he seems shocked, and confused, and tense for a second. But then he relaxes and kisses back. And I swear my heart is beating faster then ever before. And for the first time in my life, I stop thinking and I just feel.


	5. Time and space

Christopher was sitting on the couch a leg crossed over the other, his focus on the book in his hands, eyebrows furrowed. Observing him was a pastime of mine, I find fascinating the way he behaves when he's like that, oblivious of the world. He's usually so self conscious, always reading the situation and making his body match the mood. I used to think about as a manipulative trait of his, but then I realized it was a survival mechanism. One I handle like a pro. Even before A I've always got people to think what I wanted them to think, do what I wanted them to do, even my parents, I used to make them think that I had everything under control even when I was freaking out inside, and my friends too, I got them to trust me even when I didn't know what to do just so they would feel a little safer.

He like me had to develop ways to manipulate people **,** not for his selfish benefit, not because he found it fun nor amusing, but because of survival. I remember like it was yesterday the day he told his story in one of AA meetings. And it stills send shivers through my spine. I had been going there for a while and so had he, he would always sit alone in a corner with a frown in his face and his arms crossed, he never talked to anyone, so I wasn't the only one surprise when he stood up to share.

"My name is Christopher and I'm an addict. Cocaine, mostly" he said with deep voice. His hands where in fists by his side, and you could tell he was nervous. "I was born and raised in Venezuela. My parents have a lot of money there. And in Venezuela that makes you a target. I was a target." He cleared his throat and took a deep breath before continuing. "When I was seventeen, I was kidnapped and held for ransom" I felt like all oxygen left my body, I started to feel nauseous and to have tunnel vision. His hands were shaking slightly. "After two weeks then let me go home." Tears were running down his face and his voice was breaking. "I was so angry. I stared using after that, to calm my anxiety and got hooked. I've been clean for about a year now, I don't feel great but I'm better than before."

That was all he said that night, that was all he said for about a month actually. Until one night he walked up to me "You go to Georgetown. I've seen you on campus" he surprised me coming from behind me and kept talking without giving me time to respond. "You are on the debate team, you should join the Model of United Nations Club, you would like it."

"Thanks. I'm Spencer" I said unsure of what to do. He nodded and extended his hand for me to shake and I did.

"I'm Christopher. We should hang out" he was always like that, he took his time to start something but then he was really straight forward about it.

"You are staring again" his voice brought me from my flashback. He stands up and walks towards my spot in the kitchen. "What were you thinking?" He asks softly when he was right in front of me.

"Just enjoying the view" I joked with a coy smile that he matched seconds after, then he pull me closer to him. "I was thinking about how we met" I whispered on his chest. "I'm really lucky to have you" he pulled away at that.

"I think cursed describes your situation better" he whispers with a sad smile and walks away, he takes a soda out of the fridge and seats in the kitchen table nearby me. I was about to say something when he spoke. "So tell me about your family. What should I expect?"

We were driving to my cousin's wedding on Boston in the morning. I was bringing him along to introduce him to my parents and the rest of my family. "Hastings always think they are right. So be careful if you tell them they are wrong." He nods while taking a sip of his soda. "They are probably gonna ask you a lot of questions." He shivers and looks uncomfortable. "I know you don't like that so I apologize on advance. And if my dad invites you to play poker with him just let him win, I'm begging you" we both smile and I take a seat next to him.

"I just want them to like me, you know" he states shrugging his shoulders.

"They are gonna love you" I said taking his hand and looking him in the eyes, his deep brown eyes. He squeezes my hand and I kiss his cheek. "I'm gonna go finish packing" I whisper in his ear and stand up as he nods.

"If I have to be in this damn car for much more I'm gonna kill myself". He says through clenched teeth next to me, his leg is tapping the floor furiously. We've been in the car for about 5 hours and I know he's getting anxious.

"We are 15 minutes away. Try to calm down" I grip the steering wheel a little tighter as I hear him take deep shaky breaths. I sigh in relief when we reach the restaurant my family is meeting at and he hurries out of the car and walks to my side to open the door for me. We walk hand in hand and he stops to take a deep breath when we reach the door before walking in. I look around the fancy restaurant trying to find my family.

"Spencer" I see my sister walking towards me and I let go of Christopher's hand to hug her when she reaches me. We hug each other tight for a few seconds and then let go. "And you must be the arm candy." She says while giving me a look and lifting her eyebrows. "It's nice to meet you. We've been waiting for you to start eating, come on." I take Christopher's hand and watch him adjust his tie a little with the other. "Mom and dad had a work thing at the last minute, so they'll get here in the morning" Melissa informs me as we walk to the private sector the Hastings clan was sitting in.

Despite his nervousness, Christopher manages to make a good impression on my Grandma with what she called his "charming personality and manners of another time". And the rest seems to like him just fine, he manages to please my family with the answers he gives to the many questions they ask. As we walk out of the restaurant he undoes his tie and let's out a breath and looks me directly into me eyes.

"Spencer. I love you." I'm speechless for a second, but before I can do or say anything, he takes a few steps away from me. Someone else might been taken back by his attitude after that declaration, but I'm not. Because I know him, and it's hard for him to express his feelings like he just did, and I know that he just wanted to let me know, and that right now he just needs his space. And that makes me love him so much. Because I do love him, everything he does and everything he is. And I need some more time to let him know. So I just squeeze his hand and give him a smile as he opens the passenger's door for me and hope that's enough for now. And I know it is because of the wide smile he gives me, and I realize he didn't expect anything else. He knows I need time the way he needs space. He knows...because he loves me.

 **This chapter wasn't as good as I though it would be. Anyways tell me what you think about it. Love you all xoxo**


	6. Good at Pretending

**Thanks to all that had favorited and followed the story. Also, thank you for your comments. I wanna tell you a little about me, English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes in my writing, and I suffer from depression, I write as an escape and I've decided to share my stories with** you **as kinf or a therapy. Thank you all, enjoy the story, review and take care of yourselves.**

"I know we are not suppose to question the bride's decisions, but choosing her sister to make a speech is the dumbest thing she's ever done" my cousin Caroline said from her seat on my right while her toes were being done by one of the manicurists that the bride, my cousin Lauren, had hired for the bridal party.

"Come on. Cora is a sixteen-year-old, not some wild animal" my sister, in front of me, said in a flat tone with an eye roll while inspecting her nails.

"The kid is gonna get drunk and start telling stupid things, I bet you a thousand dollars" Caroline insisted raising her eyebrows.

"She can't be that bad. She's just a teenager" I add trying to defend my cousin. It was the truth, she was just a teenager, at her age I had done many things bad enough for me to fight with my life for them to keep being secrets. Which A took advantage of.

In that moment Cora walks in with a distressed look in her face mumbling a hello to everyone in the room. Lauren was a few steps behind her with a pleased look.

"Well now that all of you are settle" she started looking directly at her younger sister who kept her face low to hide the smile playing on her lips "I'm gonna go get somethings ready, I'll meet you here in half an hour" she says before walking towards the door, then she stops and turns around and adds smirking "I can't wait to hear your speech Cora" before walking out.

"Oh me too!" Says our younger cousin sarcastically waving her arm making the rest of us smile and chuckle.

45 minutes later we have our nails, hair and make up ready and catch up with our lives while waiting for the bride to show up to finish getting.

"Seriously, you all have to go. When you stand so close to the falls you feel so small" my cousin Molly was telling us about her trip to the Angel Falls.

"Sure. 'Cause us Hastings love to feel small" says Cora rising her lifting an eyebrow with a smirk, making us all chuckle. Kid says what she thinks, which I respect a lot, and amuses the rest of us in the process.

"Chris went there. He always talks about how beautiful nature is" I say.

"Speaking about Chris" she says in a mischievous manner. "He's really hot"

"Yeah. And really smart. We were talking about socioeconomic status last night at dinner. Mom and dad are gonna love him." Adds my sister. I'm blushing and smiling like an idiot, Christopher is amazing and I was glad my family was noticing.

"Maybe we will meet in another wedding soon" sings Caroline looking me suggestively. "Speaking about that, where is the bride?"

"She told me she was gonna set up a surprise for the groom" Melissa shrugs.

"Yeah well. My sister is late and I'm bored, so just let me know when she shows up" says Cora as she stands up from her spot on the floor before walking out of the room

"She's a little rebel, ain't she?" Molly asks with a smile looking at the door Cora had just walked through.

"You are not far from her" I rolled my eyes at Caroline's statement. Molly was a selfless person with a free soul that always tries to do what's right, which made her a rebel only on Hastings' standards. "Her parents are really worried about her." She continuous with a frown "She has gone home drunk too many times to count"

That's what my aunt Amber had told me the night before, she had beg me to speak to Cora about addictions and how dangerous they were. I had agree but I was yet to talk to her. I wasn't sure what I was gonna say to her and I didn't want to screw it up.

I look up to see Lauren walking in, she looks around the room and frowns "Where is my sister?" She asks confused.

"I'll go get her" offers Molly standing up to leave the room. After a few minutes she comes back hurriedly with a huge smile on her face "You guys have to see this" we follow her into a room nearby that had the door slightly open. We get closer trying not to make noise by Molly's orders. Inside the room was Cora laying on the sofa with a dark haired boy on top of her that obviously doesn't know how to keep his hands to himself, they were kissing fiercely while she was pulling at his hair. Though the rest found the scene amusing Lauren didn't, she kicked the door open causing the young lovers to rapidly get away from each other with shock expressions and wide eyes.

What happens next isn't clear in my mind, Lauren yells at the boy who quickly buttons his shirt and starts mumbling apologies, Cora looks completely mortified, she has wide eyes and her face is red, then Lauren screams "I told you to keep it in your pants" and Cora sees red.

"You had no right to do so, I'm grown enough to decide who I want to be with and what I wanna do with them" she says getting over the shame and right into the pride.

"You are not even slightly mature enough to make those calls, Cora" Lauren says drily to her sister. Then she sighs deeply and continues a litter calmer "can we talk about this later? This is my wedding day, and I want you to enjoy it with me. Can you at least try?" Then she screams furiously.

"Haven't I done enough?! I mean I'm here. That's more dad can say!" She has stricken a nerve. Both sisters' faces had shock written all over them, though Lauren's quickly turns to hurt, and her sister can't handle look at the damage she has caused and walks out of the room pushing past me. I quickly follow her into the gardens, where I find her sitting in a bench with her face on her hands.

"You okay?" I ask when I'm standing near her. She looks up with a shocked expression.

"I'm fine, cousin Spencer. I shouldn't have say those things to her. She just wants what's best for me. She thinks he's bad for me" she says the last part mockingly while rolling her eyes before turning serious again "she's probably right. But he's funny and smart and, I don't know." She sighs and looks down and I sit down in the bench next to her.

"He pays attention to you" I finish for her and she nods once slowly.

"I really crossed the line. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just so angry all the time" she spits through clenched teeth and pulls her hair in frustration.

"Is it the alcohol?" I ask cautiously with a raised eyebrow. She chuckles somberly at my question while playing with her hands.

"I'm not sure if alcohol is a cause or a consequence at this point. It just makes it easier, you know, to forget I'm a Hastings and all that means" she spits our last name like it's venom in her mouth.

"You take whatever makes it easier. Trust me I know" there's a moment of silence before I continue "we are all worried about you. Your dad is an alcoholic, that means it's most likely for you to be one. Maybe you could talk to someone, I can find you an AA meeting for teenagers" her eyes pop up at my suggestion so I add quickly "I'm not saying you are an alcoholic, but there's people there that could help you." She's looking a little lost. I pat her knee "we can talk about that later. Let's go apologize at your sister." We stand up and walk back inside, where there are tears, hugs and apologies.

Looking at Cara I realize she reminds me of myself, young and confused and trying to figure things out. Sure, she didn't have a crazy stalker behind her, but A wasn't the one that started my problems, it was me. And I was an addict before A and I'm still an addict after A, and I don't want Cora to go through that, I've felt the pain it brings and I've seen it in other people,too.

After Lauren and her groom say their vows and the party is at full swing, I walk to the table where my dad and my handsome boyfriend are talking about politics, Christopher's favorite topic. He smiles widely at me when he sees me coming back from yet another photo session with the bride and the rest of the bridal party. I take his hand as I sit down next to him. I roll my eyes when I hear my gramma complaining about my generation for the seventieth time that evening.

"Men in my generation had manners and respect. Look at that boy Cora is with, kissing her in front of everyone with no shame" I mumble an excuse and stand up pulling Christopher with me and leading him away from the table.

"I'm not a good dancer" he says apologetically with a grim when we reach the dance floor.

"I don't care" I say locking my arms around his neck, I feel his hands around my waist and we start to sway to the music. "I just wanted to spend some time with you. And I though you'd appreciate getting away from my grandma" he lets an exasperated sigh.

"Oh, you have no idea. She has complaint about everything. From the ceremony and the flowers, to the music and the groom" I chuckle and snuggle closer to his chest. I see Cora and Lauren talking animatedly, then they hug and before Cora walks hand in hand with the boy she was kissing earlier to the dance floor.

Chris' voice brings me back from my daydream "Your family isn't as bad as I though it would be" he confessed into my ear.

"We are good at pretending" I whisper back into his. And while looking at my young coursing kissing her boyfriend a few meters away, I think to myself "sometimes we just get tired of doing so"

 **I hope you've enjoy this chapter. Don't daubt about writing to me. And please review, all critics are welcome.**


	7. We've Come a Long Way

**I'm sorry I haven't post in a while. I won't give excuses because I don't like them but I do feel terrible. I wanna thank you all for your comments and support and for all of you that like Melissa, this chapter goes for you. Enjoy and comment, love you all.**

* * *

Spencer and Christopher were swaying to the slow song playing, her hands around his neck, his hands around her waist and he looked a lot more relaxed than when they started dancing about six songs ago. As the song ended, Peter came into view with Melissa in his arm.

"Can I have this dance?" Peter asked the young man with a slight smile who stepped back from Spencer and let her dad come closer to her.

"Don't worry sis, I'll keep your man entertained" said Melissa in a mocking tone showing a smirk, then she took Christopher's hand and led him a few meters away and then begun to sway to the music. A bemused Spencer and Peter watch the guy self-consciously start to dance with Melissa. Spencer also noticed Wren dancing with her mom a little farther from Melissa and Chris. Her dad took one of her hands in his and placed the other on her back, and she placed her free hand on his shoulder.

"He's a nice man" said her dad bringing her from her thoughts "he's really bad at poker" Spencer rolled her eyes but smiled at the fact that her dad for once in her life liked her boyfriend "but he seems like a really smart and kind person"

"He is" Spencer whispered eyeing the guy in question.

"I'm proud of you Spencer" she looked at her dad with eyes open in shock, it wasn't often her parents say things like that, the Hastings sister grew up longing to hear their parents recognize their efforts and appreciate who they were and what they did. "I know I don't say it often, but you went through so much and handled it with such strength and cleverness. You didn't let anything stop you, you are in a great college, and you are doing well in so many aspects of your life, and I'm glad you have a good guy at your side. And we're really proud of you, and we're proud of your sister too. You girls turned up great" Spencer felt a lump in her throat and her eyes were watery, she have been hoping to hear those things all her life, and though she didn't care much what her parents thought anymore, it felt amazing to know they were proud.

"Thanks, dad" she let go of his hand and threw both of her arms around him in a hug, he wrapped his hands around her too and kissed the top of her head. After a while they let go and started dancing again. Spencer caught Peter looking at Wren and Veronica still dancing together a few feet from them, Wren turned his head and saw father and daughter looking at him and smiled at the pair.

"He asked your mother and me for Melissa's hand tonight" he said turning his attention back to her younger daughter who looked at him in shock. Wren was going to propose, maybe her cousin was right and they were gonna meet I another wedding soon.

A couple hours later, after the new weds said goodbye to their guests and drove away to the airport, Melissa dragged her sister to take a walk through the gardens with her.

"Remember when we used to fight all the time?" Melissa said suddenly, breaking the silence. Spencer looked at her in surprise and then let out a laugh nodding her head yes.

"And then we became the best sisters ever" they shared a look and a smile, Melissa then looked down and crossed her arms around herself.

"I want my kids to be like us. Like we are now. I don't want them to fight like we did before" Spencer was surprised at the topic of conversation, Melissa never talked about kids, she had told her once that it was too painful for her.

"Siblings fight" Spencer stated knowingly.

"No like we did" the eldest answered back shaking her head. "So much of it was my fault, I was always making you fell worthless" she continued in shame.

"It wasn't your fault. We were fighting for mom's and dad's attention" the had stopped walking.

"I don't wanna be like them, Spence" Melissa whispered in a broken tone. "But I'm afraid I'm gonna be a bad mother"

"You won't be a bad mother. You will be great" she said running a hand up and down her oldest sister's arm to comfort her. "Besides, it's not like your gonna become a mother to tomorrow. You have time"

"Yes. About nine months" Spencer looked confused for a second and then in realization.

"You are..." Her sister nodded her head with tears in her eyes and a big smile on her lips. "You are pregnant!" Spencer placed her arms around her sister and they stayed in each other's arm for a while. "God I can't believe it" said Spencer in Melissa's shoulder where she was resting her head. "You are gonna be a mother. I'm gonna be an aunt!"

When the finally broke the hug Melissa told the other Hastings "mom and dad don't know yet. I wanted you to be the first to know"

Spencer was exited, she was gonna be an aunt, she was already picturing how it was gonna be like and planning what she was going to do, she would buy her nephew cute clothes, and buy books and read it to them, and take them out on trips, and sneak them sweets.

Who would have thought? That after all those years of fighting, after Spencer kissing Melissa's boyfriends, after the jealousy and the distrust they had for each other, that they would be like this? That they would have a good relationship, tell each other's secrets and share stories and advice?

And Melissa had told Spencer this big news before she told anybody else, this was something big. There was a time Melissa wouldn't tell her little sister anything, hell there was a time Spencer was sure Melissa wouldn't tell her if her hair was on fire. Yes, they had definitely come a long way.


	8. New Beginnings

**I'm sorry I haven't post in a while. I won't give excuses because I don't like them but I do feel terrible. I wanna thank you all for your comments and support and for all of you that like Melissa, this chapter goes for you. Enjoy and comment, love you all.**

* * *

Spencer and Christopher were swaying to the slow song playing, her hands around his neck, his hands around her waist and he looked a lot more relaxed than when they started dancing about six songs ago. As the song ended, Peter came into view with Melissa in his arm.

"Can I have this dance?" Peter asked the young man with a slight smile who stepped back from Spencer and let her dad come closer to her.

"Don't worry sis, I'll keep your man entertained" said Melissa in a mocking tone showing a smirk, then she took Christopher's hand and led him a few meters away and then begun to sway to the music. A bemused Spencer and Peter watch the guy self-consciously start to dance with Melissa. Spencer also noticed Wren dancing with her mom a little farther from Melissa and Chris. Her dad took one of her hands in his and placed the other on her back, and she placed her free hand on his shoulder.

"He's a nice man" said her dad bringing her from her thoughts "he's really bad at poker" Spencer rolled her eyes but smiled at the fact that her dad for once in her life liked her boyfriend "but he seems like a really smart and kind person"

"He is" Spencer whispered eyeing the guy in question.

"I'm proud of you Spencer" she looked at her dad with eyes open in shock, it wasn't often her parents say things like that, the Hastings sister grew up longing to hear their parents recognize their efforts and appreciate who they were and what they did. "I know I don't say it often, but you went through so much and handled it with such strength and cleverness. You didn't let anything stop you, you are in a great college, and you are doing well in so many aspects of your life, and I'm glad you have a good guy at your side. And we're really proud of you, and we're proud of your sister too. You girls turned up great" Spencer felt a lump in her throat and her eyes were watery, she have been hoping to hear those things all her life, and though she didn't care much what her parents thought anymore, it felt amazing to know they were proud.

"Thanks, dad" she let go of his hand and threw both of her arms around him in a hug, he wrapped his hands around her too and kissed the top of her head. After a while they let go and started dancing again. Spencer caught Peter looking at Wren and Veronica still dancing together a few feet from them, Wren turned his head and saw father and daughter looking at him and smiled at the pair.

"He asked your mother and me for Melissa's hand tonight" he said turning his attention back to her younger daughter who looked at him in shock. Wren was going to propose, maybe her cousin was right and they were gonna meet I another wedding soon.

A couple hours later, after the new weds said goodbye to their guests and drove away to the airport, Melissa dragged her sister to take a walk through the gardens with her.

"Remember when we used to fight all the time?" Melissa said suddenly, breaking the silence. Spencer looked at her in surprise and then let out a laugh nodding her head yes.

"And then we became the best sisters ever" they shared a look and a smile, Melissa then looked down and crossed her arms around herself.

"I want my kids to be like us. Like we are now. I don't want them to fight like we did before" Spencer was surprised at the topic of conversation, Melissa never talked about kids, she had told her once that it was too painful for her.

"Siblings fight" Spencer stated knowingly.

"No like we did" the eldest answered back shaking her head. "So much of it was my fault, I was always making you fell worthless" she continued in shame.

"It wasn't your fault. We were fighting for mom's and dad's attention" the had stopped walking.

"I don't wanna be like them, Spence" Melissa whispered in a broken tone. "But I'm afraid I'm gonna be a bad mother"

"You won't be a bad mother. You will be great" she said running a hand up and down her oldest sister's arm to comfort her. "Besides, it's not like your gonna become a mother to tomorrow. You have time"

"Yes. About nine months" Spencer looked confused for a second and then in realization.

"You are..." Her sister nodded her head with tears in her eyes and a big smile on her lips. "You are pregnant!" Spencer placed her arms around her sister and they stayed in each other's arm for a while. "God I can't believe it" said Spencer in Melissa's shoulder where she was resting her head. "You are gonna be a mother. I'm gonna be an aunt!"

When the finally broke the hug Melissa told the other Hastings "mom and dad don't know yet. I wanted you to be the first to know"

Spencer was exited, she was gonna be an aunt, she was already picturing how it was gonna be like and planning what she was going to do, she would buy her nephew cute clothes, and buy books and read it to them, and take them out on trips, and sneak them sweets.

Who would have thought? That after all those years of fighting, after Spencer kissing Melissa's boyfriends, after the jealousy and the distrust they had for each other, that they would be like this? That they would have a good relationship, tell each other's secrets and share stories and advice?

And Melissa had told Spencer this big news before she told anybody else, this was something big. There was a time Melissa wouldn't tell her little sister anything, hell there was a time Spencer was sure Melissa wouldn't tell her if her hair was on fire. Yes, they had definitely come a long way.


	9. From Eye Rolls and Paint Wars

"Are you sure those are the right colors?" Asked Spencer for the 30th time that day and Aria couldn't help rolling her eyes at the taller brunette, for the 30th time that day. When Aria agreed to drive to Philly for the weekend and help the Hasting sisters paint the new nursery she didn't even think about how stressful it would be to work with two perfectionist.

"So when am I gonna meet your boyfriend?" Asked Aria trying to change the subject as she mixed some more paint.

Spencer turned around from the wall she was painting pale pink with her eyebrows raised in confusion. "You've already met him."

"Yeah, once. And you guys weren't dating then. Now it's different, I have to have the talk with him"

Spencer looked at her tiny friend in amusement "The talk?"

"Yes, you know the if you break her heart I break your nose kind of talk" both women chuckled. Spencer turned around to continue painting the wall.

"I'm sure you look like a real threat. Specially with that height" said Spencer sardonically. After a few seconds she felt cold paint on her cheek. She turned around and faced the hazel eyed brunette standing a few inches apart from her, with a brush in her hand and a smirk on her face. "Is that how you wanna play?"

Spencer used the brush still in her hand and used it to cover Aria's face with paint, she tried to do the same in response but the taller woman moved quickly to avoid it, pixie took a can that had little paint left and emptied its content on Spencer.

After 20 minutes the two friends were covered in paint and sitting on the floor leaning their backs against the wall. "Your sister is gonna kill us" said Aria admiring the mess they've made. Thankfully the floor was covered in plastic because it was all covered in paint.

"It's no so bad" shrugged Spencer thanking God they didn't get paint on the wall during their fight. Aria rested her head on the Spencer's shoulder.

"Are you happy, Spence?" It was barely a whisper and Spencer was surprised by the question but answered anyways.

"I am" she answered in a soft tone. She was really. She didn't remembered being in such a good place before, even with the competitive environment at Georgetown and the stress students were subject to, Spencer had handled it well the past three years. There's been hard times of course, dark times since she left for college but she had learned as it came and she was grateful for the people that came into her life those years and those, like Aria, that had stayed. "It's weird. I remember when we were in high school, I remember it seemed like it A's torture was never gonna end and now that it has, I don't know, I feel free, you know." Aria had lifted her head off her shoulder to look at her better and nodded as she talked, obviously understanding what she meant.

"I remember wanting high school to end, and go to college. And then wanting college to end" they both smiled at that. "And now," she sighed "I kind of want time to slow down, or have more time in college"

"All good things must come to an end" they stared at the wall in front of them in silence. Aria has started to paint birds, butterflies flowers. "What do you wanna do after graduation?" Asked the Hasting breaking the silent.

"I would love to become a publisher. Or maybe work in a gallery" Answered the pixie without missing a beat.

"You are an amazing artist" She nodded at the wall. Before the paint war Aria had been painting flowers, butterflies and birds on the woods, there were so many details and so many different colors, anybody would be in awe of the masterpiece. "You are really talented"

"Thanks." She answered truthfully appreciating the words of her friend, because if she liked to receive compliments was from Spencer. "What about you? What you wanna do?"

"I'm not sure yet" at that Aria's eyed popped up as she dramatically gasped.

"There are six months left before graduation and Spencer Hastings doesn't know what she wants to do yet" Spencer rolled her eyes at her friend but her lips curved into a smile. "No, seriously. I thought that by his point you'll know exactly what you'll like to do and have a detailed plan of how to get there"

"I wanna stay in D.C. Christopher won't finish his masters until next year so I would like to stay with him" she looked at the floor while she say this, she was sure that her friend knew as well as she did that she wouldn't do that for anyone. She was making future plans with the purpose of being with someone else, and Spencer wasn't sure what to think of that.

"He must be pretty special" said Aria smiling at the brunette next to her squeeze her tight.

"He is" answered Spencer looking at Aria with a small smile.

At that moment Melissa entered the room looking at the mess they've made in confusion. "What happened here?" She asked in horror at the splattered paint everywhere, then she shook her head "never mind. I need some help with the crib"

"You go" said Aria getting up and offering Spencer her hand help her. "I'll finish here" she nodded at the undone mural.

"Ok" both Hastings said at the same time. "But clean yourself first" warned the older sister to the younger as she looked at her in slight disgust scrunching her nose.

Before walking out the room Melissa stopped and stared at the wall Aria was painting on. "Are you sure those are the right colors?" Asked the older Hasting.

"That's what I said" chimed the other one.

"I'm the artist here" voiced Aria in annoyance without tearing her eyes from her work, rolling her eyes, for the 31st time that day.

 **Sorry for the wait and thanks for your support. Please review.**


	10. Chapter 10

Melissa Hastings wasn't always nice to her younger sister, she would always remind Spencer that she had gotten the better grade at school, was more popular than her, that unlike her she had been class president and homecoming queen, Melissa would make her feel insecure and not good enough. She didn't do it because she hated her younger sister, she did it because in the Hastings household only the best got their parents attention, and she was the oldest, it was her job to be the best one, she was afraid that if she wasn't she would never have Peter and Veronica's attention or approval. So she set the bar as high as she could for Spencer and sighed in relief when she couldn't reach the mark she had left behind. She felt guilty every time she saw Spencer suffer because of her, but the fear and anger in her caused by their parents' pressure and lack of attention led her to keep making things to hurt her sister.

She loved her sister, though. She didn't like seeing her in pain, when it was because of her of their parents she would do little nice things for her, like bring her ice cream or candy and not to say anything too bad for a couple of days, and when it was because someone else she would see red and fume in pure anger. She remembered the time Spencer was about seven and came home with a bruise on her face and a scrape on her arm. The oldest Hastings asked who had done that to her, the small brunette's lip had quiver and after a couple of seconds was sobbing in her sister's arms. After she had gotten the name of the bully and Spencer had calmed down, she stormed out of the house. Spencer never learned what she had done to the girl that hit her, but Melissa assured her that it was taken care of and nobody ever bothered her like that again. Let's not forget that Melissa also burry what she thought was Alison's body thinking Spencer had killed her in order to protect her.

After years of rivalry they had left their differences and resentments behind to become good loving sisters and friends. And there was no one as happy as Spencer when Melissa got pregnant with Wren's child.

She was with Aria in Boston shopping for her soon to be born nephew when her mother called.

"Spencer" she had said sounding out of breath. "Your father and I are on our way to New York, your sister was in an accident, she's in the hospital now" Spencer almost dropped her phone. A drunk driver had hit the car Wren and Melissa were driving home in. She walked towards the exit of the store barely hearing Aria's calls behind her. Aria drove them all the way to the city that never sleeps while Spencer panicked on the passenger seat, she was glued to her phone hoping to get a call with good news.

Aria held her hand since they got out of the car until they reached the waiting room her family was in. Just as they arrived a grey haired doctor in a white coat called got the family of Melissa Hastings.

"She's stable. She has cuts and bruises all over her body and broke three ribs and her right arm" was the first thing the doctor said and we all sighed in relief. "However, I'm afraid she lost the baby. And dr Kingston is still on surgery and on critical condition" in a second I felt my heart sink, she lost yet another child and her husband was fighting for his life, how was she gonna get through this? For the first time ever, she saw her father shed a couple of tears. "You can see her. But no more than two at the time" the doctor finish before walking away.

Spencer entered the room and saw Melissa blankly staring at the wall. "Melissa, it's me, Spencer." She said standing by her bed "how are you feeling?"

She scoffed "just fantastic. No worse than the other two times I lost a child, or the time I didn't know if I was gonna see my partner alive again." She was talking in a sarcastic but soft tone and it seemed hard for her to speak, Spencer didn't know if it was because of the physical or emotional pain she was on. She thought her eyes would seem like they were full of pain, instead they looked so empty, like all hope had vanished from them. "He proposed. Tonight, he proposed. We were in the restaurant and he got down on his knee and ask me to marry him." She said in a lifeless and shocked tone, she couldn't believe that her world had turned around in just a couple of hours.

"Melissa" She whispered her name so softly, like she was talking to something so fragile they could break at any second, and it somehow touched the older brunette. A sob escaped from her mouth, and then another and another, two minutes later was painfully crying her eyes out as her not so little sister held her.

An extremely tired Spencer let Aria drive her to the hotel her parents had reserved them a room at. Aria held the taller woman to help her walk straight, Spencer felt on a haze, she just couldn't believe what was going on.

"Spence, you need to eat something." Aria said to her when they reached the bedroom, she settled Spencer on the bed still expecting an answer or at least a sign of life. "Spencer, tell me what do you need. Please, Spence." This is exactly how she sometimes felt when she was using drugs, she was aware of what was going around her, but she couldn't react, she couldn't feel anything. Her sister was in pain and there was nothing anybody could do to help.

Spencer stared at the shopping bags they had brought from Boston, she walked towards them and pulled out one of the onesies, it read "I love my auntie". It hit her in that moment that she was never gonna be an aunt, Melissa started convulsing while she was crying, they rushed her into surgery and that was the last time Spencer would see her sister.

Melissa was dead.


	11. Chapter 11

My eyes go over the familiar name over and over again as I hear steps approaching me. I figured it's the girls or Christopher, after hours of standing in the cold staring at my sister's stone they've probably decided it was enough and they were gonna take me home. I hear someone behind me clearing their throat but I don't tear my eyes from the cold piece of stone in front of me.

"Spencer" a male voice I instantly recognize says, startling me.

"Toby" the name roles out of my tongue with surprise as I turn around to face him.

Our eyes lock for a coupe seconds and he gives me a sad smile as he gets closer.

"That was a beautiful speech you gave" he murmurs when he reaches my side.

"Thank you" I whisper and I feel tears pooling in my eyes.

We stand side by side in awkward silence for a a while. "Who knew you'll call the person you were sure was after you the best sister you could ask for?" He says somberly and I chuckle darkly at the comment. It was the truth, she once envied Melissa, she once hated Melissa, she once feared Melissa. And here she was feeling crushed at her death.

"I fell like I lost a part of myself" my voice startles both me and Toby, I turn my head and catch his blue eyes looking at me with sadness and comprehension.

"When my mom died" he started, "I felt like that, too. She was amazing, my best friend. When we lost her I... I felt... incomplete" he stopped and cleared his throat, clearly fighting the tears and the lump I was sure he felt on his throat. "You are allowed to feel pain right now, Spence. And I'm sure you'll pick yourself up eventually. Just don't shut out the people that cares about you". Of course he would say something like that. Toby used to know her like the back of his hand. And although she's changed, some parts haven't improve much on those years.

"Thanks, Toby. Thank you for coming here, and and thank you for talking about your mom" the brunette took his hand and gave it a squeeze that he returned. He never talked about his mom, it was too painful for him, she appreciated the fact he was opening himself up in order to help her. They stood like that for a couple of minutes, both gathering their thoughts.

"That boyfriend of yours," he spoke eventually "he's really worried about you. He seems like a good guy"

"He is" And I smile sweetly because he is a great guy who's always worrying about me and always trying to help.

"Does he treat you right?" And my smile widens, not only because Christopher, but also because of Toby, because he is a caring guy that also worries about me, he's always been like that and I feel lucky to have so amazing guys in my life.

"He does. You left big shoes to fill" he smiles at the compliment. My eyes scan the stone once again as I hear someone else approaching, this time I'm sure it's Christopher. My assumption proves to be truth as a a jacket with a familiar scent is put over my shoulders. When I turn a round his worried eyes and unsure demeanor greet me.

"I'll see you around, Spence" Toby says, we look at each other for a moment unsure of what to do next before he finally steps closer for a hug. "I'm so sorry for your loss" he whispers in me hair, we let go and he nods politely a Christopher before walking away.

Christopher wraps his arms around me and I rest my head on his chest. "I'm really gonna miss her"

"I know" he answers sadly and drops a kiss on top of my head.

"Let's go home" I finally say and he gives me a tight but sincere smile.

He holds my hand all the way to the car, and I miss my once favorite pair of baby blue eyes looking at us with regret, sadness and loss because I'm too busy thanking god (if there's really any) for giving me such a supportive browned eyed man that I know without a doubt will be there for me whenever I need him.


	12. Last chapter

**Last chapter. Thank you for reading!**

It hits her before she even opens her eyes. It was like a cloud came over her and embraced her body. It was still dark outside, she looked at her side and found Christopher's sleeping body next to her, he was laying on his chest, one arm hugging her mid section. She took a moment to appreciate his face, which was usually in a frown or adorned by a smile, not many times it was as relaxed as it was in that moment. Then she observed the rest of his body, or at least what wasn't covered by the blanket. Like his face it was completely relaxed like all his stress, fears and worries leave him while he sleeps.

"At least tonight" she sighed at the truth of that though. She caressed his face,hair, and back for a while, and then she suddenly tore her eyes from the warm body at her side. She could feel it, the darkness growing stronger and bigger into her. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to push it down, to think about something else, anything. But she knew it was a lost battle, one she was already feeling too tired to fight, again.

She stared at the ceiling unaware of the world around her, just focusing on her deep, dark thoughts. The kind you don't think about so they won't ruin your good happy thoughts and moments, but were impossible to push aside when there were no good happy memories and moments to speak of. Because that's how she felt, like there was nothing inside her, nothing at all. JK Rowling described depression perfectly, like a dark evil creature that absorbs all the happy memories you have, leaving you only with the bad ones.

Spencer always wondered about the phrase "I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all". After all, for many years she felt little other than pain, guilt, fear, pressure and anxiety. But when she got like this, when all she felt was numbness, she would take back all those feelings that used to repulse her in a second.

She heard the alarm pounding like it was in another world and barely felt Christopher moving. When Christopher kissed her good morning on the cheek she turned to her side so he faced her back, she wanted so badly to be held by him but at the same time she didn't want to be touched by him, which made no sense, she was feeling the frustration raising on her chest, frustration with herself, with these feelings, these thoughts. She could clearly picture his confused face on her mind. He moved to be closer to her and put a hand on her arm and caressed her softly.

"Spencer, are you okay?" He whispered softly in a tone laced with concern. "Do you need anything?" He asked a little louder this time after a moment of silence with a hint of desperation.

She wanted to cry at his soft touch and concern. But instead she brought her knees to her chest and hugged herself and closed her eyes. They stayed like this for a few minutes. Spencer was sure he knew she wasn't going anywhere today, and that there wasn't much he could do. After all it wasn't the first time he'd seen her get this way. It happened before from time to time but since Melissa's death it was common occurrence.

Spencer's POV

"I have class in an hour, and I need to take a shower. I'm guessing you are not going to school today." He said softly in my ear after pecking my cheek. Again all he was met with was silence. I wanted to scream and shout, and at the same time just cry in his arms. But I didn't say anything, I didn't move, I didn't even acknowledged his presence let alone the fact he was speaking. I heard him sigh and move away from me. The moment he closed the bathroom door, I felt my stomach turn into a thousand knots, the ache on my chest got stronger, the lump on my throat got bigger and my body got colder.

Christopher got out of the bathroom after a while and disappeared into the kitchen. He came back a few minutes later with a cup that he then placed on the small table next to my side of the bed.

"I'm leaving now, ok? Call me if you need anything" he walked out of the room. A few seconds later he came back "I love you" he said from his spot at the edge of the bedroom and then walked out and left the apartment.

The rest of the day went by in a blur. I just laid on the bed, unaware of anything outside of head. The only time I stood up was to go to the bathroom, and I came back to the bed rapidly after I was done. I couldn't stop thinking about it, the relief I felt when they told me that Melissa was alive, holding her while she cried felling sorry for the loss of her baby but thinking that at least I didn't loose my sister and then seeing her collapse and the pain and shock I felt when she died, I had been holding her ministers before! She seemed well enough, she was alive! And then God decided to pull the rug from under me once again. All the time I lost with her with stupid fights, too concerned on my lies and secrets, too busy with -A. I wished things cold be different, but now it's too late. She's gone.

I hear the door of the apartment opening and I look out of the window to see that the day was starting to become night. Christopher enters the room, his face growing concerned when he noticed I was still in bed the way he left me hours before, he walked closer to me getting even more concerned as he saw the untouched cup of coffee he left me this morning. He stood at the edge of the bed clearly unsure of whether or not she should come closer.

"I brought you some soup" he said running a hand through his hair. I kept my eyes fixed on the wall in front of me. "Spencer, talk to me please." He begged looking concerned and confused but I didn't trust myself to open my mouth without bursting into tears. He then got into bed next to me and holds me.

"You know. I've suffer from depression since way before I was kidnapped" I finally looked at him, surprised at his words. He looked relieved that I was finally out my trance. "Before they took me in, it was like I wasn't allowed to hurt. I had everything so I didn't have the right to be anything but happy. That made me feel so guilty" he wasn't looking at me at that point but straight at the wall, and his tone was an angry and frustrated one. "I actually felt relived when I was kidnapped, because when I went back home everyone looked at me like I was finally allowed to suffer, like I could finally get help because I actually needed it or deserved it." I could feel his body pressed to mine get more and more tense as he spoke, by the the end his hands around my body were in fists, his jaw was set and his breathing hard.

"There is no hierarchy on pain" I whispered, speaking for the first time that say. He looked me in the eye, his face turning from anger to sadness in a second. And then he whispered back

"Then why don't you allow yourself to feel yours?" In that moment my heart ached more than I could resist and tears started to come out of my eyes. "It's okay. Just let go"

"Don't leave me" he shook his head and hugged me harder bringing himself closer to me. After that, all coherent thought left my head. I let it all out. Sobs were rocking my body violently to the point it was hard to catch my breath, but it felt so good. Like all bad thoughts were leaving me, making space for good happy ones again. Not many times I let myself feel my pain, and even less times I let people see it. But I know that these moments weren't gonna make Christopher stop seeing me like a strong independent woman, I knew he wouldn't see me as scared girl breaking, like Toby did, he was just gonna hold me for now and then help me crate some more good happy memories so I could invoke a patronus to keep dementors away, and if for any reason they came back he is gonna be there to face them next to me, again.


End file.
